Today's subject was inspired by a recent Facebook posting of "My Top 25 songs played on my iPod" and my non-stop play India.Arie. On this person's list, she listed Sade's Is It a Crime? as number 16. Sade is so bomb.com! She sings with so much soul! MMM! Now yall know my morning routine with my iPod, well These Eyes by India.Arie struck a chord in me again! ::why does she make me think so much?!:: Anywhoo, here comes my pondering moment...Sade wants to know, "Is it a crime? Is it a crime? That I still want you. And I want you to want me too." Then India says, "These eyes never saw you leaving. This heart is in need of some healing. These arms are letting you go. That's life and that's the way the story goes."
So where does this leave one who knows what to do but their heart doesn't feel anything and can't guide them? Or what about the one who feels like Sade but the other person isn't acting right and continues to not act right? We must ask ourselves, why do I want you and want you to want me too knowing that you aren't right for me? I know you're not my only option, but I've made you my only option and can't function on my own...is that it? Or maybe I'm scared...scared of what though? Freeing myself of anger, hurt, and possibly that person? I guess I'll find out one day!
Truth is every relationship is a lesson
Truth is I saw it coming but it hurts anyway
Truth is I'm not the reason you're so angry
Truth is you're not the reason I'm so passive
Truth is I've got to take back my power
Truth is I'm not the reason you're so angry
Truth is you're not the reason I'm so passive
Truth is I've got to take back my power
I guess the bigger question becomes, is it a crime to finally free yourself and walk away with your head and heart as one?
Have a great weekend and & see you on Monday :)
3 comments:
I actually lived that very situation that was described and let me be the first to say IT IS NOT FUN!!!! But there is a point where you MUST walk away...for you!!
It is not worth being hurt, angry, depressed and controlled by these feelings that aren't being reciprocated.
Yes, my heart still wants him...but him not wanting me back and me trying to get him to want me back slowly chilled away at my self-esteem, confidence, and spirit!!!
SO....the answer is...EFF YOUR HEART is this situation...you HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR MIND! You have to pull your heart out (even against your own will)
Ughh...talking about it brings up hurtful memories...but watev! HIS LOSS!!!!!
WOW! This speaks to my life in so many ways. After loosing the game of tug-of-war with my heart, my head, God, my family, my friends and most of my self, I had to make one of THE HARDEST decisions of my life to walk away. In a message that I sent to this person, the only words that I could express for my conflicted emotions (at that time and even now 2.5 yrs later) were "I love you...but I love me more and I can not allow you to continue to hurt me more than I've already hurt myself."
Being a rather blunt person I usually don't shy away from speaking what's on my heart, however, as I re-type these words again, even after all this time, it's hard -- hard to let go, hard to trust that I made the right decision for me, and worst of all, hard to continue to have faith that someone new WILL win my heart and fill the void.
So to get back to the blog, I have no valid answers to the questions asked, however, I agree with the response before me.
In the meantime, I will continue to live, LOVE, laugh and enjoy those people in my life that I love dearly.
I've asked myself this very same question a million times. In a relationship filled with ups and downs, loops and straight aways, at what point do you stop complaining about the motion sickness and get off the damn roller coaster? While waiting in line to get on, the operator never told you that the feeling of falling (in love) would eventually get old and that the adreline rush from the first go around doesn't remain for the second, third, fouth, or twenty-second!!! Maybe it's the age-less excuse, "things will get better if I just hold on!" or "I've invested too much into this relationship to just walk away with no return!" The funnier thing is though, it's not a crime. It's not a crime that somewhere between honeymoon status and reality, your head and heart become more like oil and water rather than functioning body parts. It's not a crime to spend sleepless nights wondering if things will really get better or whether you just lost another day to the madness. It's not a crime to constantly wonder and ask yourself whether this is as good as it gets or if anyone will be better than the mediocrity that you have. The real crime comes when the line is clearly drawn, the bell has clearly sounded, and the fat lady has sung her little heart out. The crime is when you have reached your breaking point and refuse to walk away. When you have been given your que to exit stage right, but you stay on the stage for an encore no one asked for or requested to see. Going beyond your God given limits is a crime because you operate in a territory that is unfamiliar and unchartered. It's like flying in a no fly zone, no matter how great of a pilot you are or how in control you think you may be, if you don't get out you will get shot down!
Love has never been a crime...it's just crazy! However not knowing your limits in the craziness, is a crime, and will make you loose your mind.
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