Say What?

Hey yall! Welcome back from the weekend! I hope that each and everyone of you had a great and somewhat productive one...but if not, that's cool too ;)

Last night I had a good convo with a friend. He offered advice that made me think, "yea. guys prefer for women to be as blunt as possible. beating around the bush doesn't help." I find it amazing how blunt I can be in pretty much every area of my life. But when it comes to matters of those guys that I crush on, I can't seem to muster up any courage. I guess I've always had the idea in my head, that if I put forth a little effort then he would pursue me. Well that's happened all of about ONCE! Secondly, I didn't want to seem TOO aggressive. However, it's time to be that aggressive girl that goes after what she wants in every aspect of her life. Because this is the second time where the opportunity has passed me up and sitting here with that sad look upon my face like DAYUM! All of that is to say, SEIZE YOUR MOMENT WHEN YOU HAVE IT...you may never get it again.

So as I was driving to work, my boo John Mayer came on the iPod with his song, "Say." Not only did it apply to me, but I thought of all of my friends & loved ones who come to me saying, "I wish I had the guts to them I how really feel"...or "They don't know how much they've hurt me." or anything along those lines. Whether it's good or bad, whatever it is, "Say What You Need to Say!" It's really not about the other person at all, it truly is all about you. Is their something that you're holding back? Not necessarily all "negative" things. But it could something as simple as letting someone know how much they mean to you...or that you want to pursue a relationship with that person (romantically, family wise, sisterly, brotherly).

Start the week off right by getting some things off of your chest...Say what you need to say!

"Say"
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead,
If you only could . . .

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

Your Heart vs. Your Head: When Is It Time to Walk Away?

Today's subject was inspired by a recent Facebook posting of "My Top 25 songs played on my iPod" and my non-stop play India.Arie. On this person's list, she listed Sade's Is It a Crime? as number 16. Sade is so bomb.com! She sings with so much soul! MMM! Now yall know my morning routine with my iPod, well These Eyes by India.Arie struck a chord in me again! ::why does she make me think so much?!:: Anywhoo, here comes my pondering moment...Sade wants to know, "Is it a crime? Is it a crime? That I still want you. And I want you to want me too." Then India says, "These eyes never saw you leaving. This heart is in need of some healing. These arms are letting you go. That's life and that's the way the story goes."

So where does this leave one who knows what to do but their heart doesn't feel anything and can't guide them? Or what about the one who feels like Sade but the other person isn't acting right and continues to not act right? We must ask ourselves, why do I want you and want you to want me too knowing that you aren't right for me? I know you're not my only option, but I've made you my only option and can't function on my own...is that it? Or maybe I'm scared...scared of what though? Freeing myself of anger, hurt, and possibly that person? I guess I'll find out one day!

Truth is every relationship is a lesson

Truth is I saw it coming but it hurts anyway
Truth is I'm not the reason you're so angry
Truth is you're not the reason I'm so passive
Truth is I've got to take back my power

I guess the bigger question becomes, is it a crime to finally free yourself and walk away with your head and heart as one?

Have a great weekend and & see you on Monday :)

We Are A Family Like A Giant Tree Branching Out Towards the Sky...

This past weekend was my biological father's mother's side of the family reunion. Now I know who my relatives are, if I randomly saw them around the area I spoke, so forth and so on. But I never really knew them. Partially due to the lack of a relationship I had with my father. But that's an ENTIRELY 'nother blog, for a whole 'nother day. But @ any rate, as I sat @ the meet and greet Friday, I couldn't help but still feel like a stranger. Faces looked familiar, I remembered some names...but it wasn't that natural just ::what's the word...:: chemistry, familiarity. I sat downstairs and got on my phone to chat with 2 of my bff's via Gchat & text msg. I couldn't quite verbalize everything that I was experiencing so I simply stated, It's amazing how someone could still feel like a stranger around their own family.

Naturally this led me to wonder, what truly is the definition of family?! I mean, if it's what Webster's Online Dictionary defines it as, a group of persons of common ancestry, then I have a really big family. But what about those people I consider family because my blood family wasn't around because I, too, chose not to be around them? My friends, not this particular side of the family, were there when I cried...when I was hungry...when I was broke...when I was weak...when I needed encouragement...when I was happy...when I received good news.

But let's go back to the reunion this weekend. I chose to attend every event this weekend, except for the picnic (didn't want to sweat my press out, lol). And I did this because I wanted my family to be my family because of more than a bloodline we share, but because we have a relationship. As I stated in a previous blog, we have the choice to create happiness in our lives. And this choice has brought more than happiness, it has brought joy, closure, and filled voids all in a matter of days. I don't know how many of you know about the website Ning, but it is also a social network...kind of like a mix between facebook & myspace. But my family has a page on there and I joined so that I could add pix from this weekend and continue in reconnecting my family. My cousins, aunties, and uncle have all written beautiful and priceless comments on my wall and i LOVE it! Well the next day after the reunion, I received an email from my Auntie Jean, who has always been my favorite for some reason...But anywhoo, she sent me the following e-mail that brought tears to my eyes:

Hi Whitney,
It was great having you with us this week-end Whitney.  You just came in
and fitted in and rolled with us.  I loved it!  Please don't stop coming
around us. We will be having a dinner again real soon, at my house I
think.  We will let you know or keep you posted.  You've grown up to be
quite the lady and we are so proud of you.  I'm happy that you are not
going to allow the past to determine your future with your family.
Stay in touch.

Much Love, Aunt Jean

As much I claimed I wasn't gonna have anything to do with them, deep down
I yearned for them.  And as much as I secretly missed them, they missed
me too.  I'm not saying that you need to call up every family member
you haven't spoken to and forgive and move forward.  But step out and
reach out to one...the one you used to call all of the time when you
were younger...or perhaps the grandmother who used to press your hair
at her kitchen stove...or your favorite cousin who always took you
shopping & bought you things your parents wouldn't allow.  So today
I'm thankful for all the family I have, because it's not just the
bloodline it's the relationship.

Goodness, out of this one tree that is me, I have so many branches reaching out towards the sky. Some have been broken and unrepairable, while others are barely hanging on. Will you catch it and mend it before it's too late?

Is It REALLY That Random???

As I sat at my desk yesterday having just hung up with a new found friend, I pondered to myself and said, "Self?!" Myself said, "Hmm?" Why did I just recently meet her? Why didn't I meet her while we were both in school together? So naturally I began to reflect over this past year of my life. Mymy! Have I began some GREAT relationships out of random encounters! Since meeting one person in particular who is my TwinSoul, I wondered what was life really like without her. When I asked her, she responded with "I'm like a tampon. You live life fine on pads until you try a tampon and things are never the same after that." LOL! But she is so right! TwinSoul along with about 7 other people have added so much to my life, that I can't ever imagine life without them.

But in the midst of pondering the thought of these 'random encounters,' I began to wonder if they were REALLY that random? Or if it just wasn't our time to either meet or become closer sooner? I mean all of us went to school together...we hung in the exact same circle of friends...we share the same stories, but yet it didn't jump off until a few months ago.

So what do you think...are random moments really random? Or do we just have to wait for the right time and place? If you have any random moments, please share!

Because There's Hope, What Do You Choose?

Yesterday I told a friend of mine that I'd started a blog. He response was "Blogging now? sounds like another work distraction." And I responded with "I won't be doing that much talking though. Basically just posting the question of the day."...Ok, well maybe he was right.

I woke up this morning, sluggish but still in a good mood. So I got dressed, even had a lil breakfast before I left the house. Every morning when I get in the car, I pick up my iPod and look @ my playlists to choose what I'm going to listen to until I get to work. Well this morning, I chose my playlist of my top 20 india.arie songs. The first song on the playlist was "I Choose" from her CD India.Arie-Testimony, Vol. 1: Life & Relationships. So about after the 5th time of listening to the song and looking like I was having chu'ch in my car all by myself, I began to really ponder what Sista India spoke of...

"I Choose"

Because you never know where life is gonna
take youand you can't change where you've been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

[Verse 1:]
Here am I now looking at 30 and I got so much to say.
I gotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go today.
I was always too concerned about what everybody would think.
But I can't live for everybody, I gotta live my life for me.(Yeah)
I pitched a fork in the road of my life and ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide.

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do. My past don't dictate who I am.

I choose. (Yeah)

[Verse 2:]

I done been through some painful things I thought that I would never make it through.
Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes.
I put myself in so many chaotic circumstances, but by the grace of God I've been given so many second chances.
But today I decided to let it all go. I'm dropping these bags, I'm making room for my joy.

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do. My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

[Bridge:]
Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose. (Hey ey)
I used to have guilt about why things happen they way they did cuz life is gonna do what it do. And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

[Verse 3:]

From this day forward I'm going to be exactly who I am.
I don't need to change the way that I live just to get a man. (NO!)
I even had a talk with my mama and I told her the day I'm grown,"from this day
forward, every decision I make will be my own." And hey!

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.

[Bridge:]

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been. But today, I have the opportunity to choose. (Hey ey)
I used to have guilt about why things happen they way they did cuz life is gone do what it do.
And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eyVBxuB58U

So about after the 7th time of me listening to this song, I finally moved to the next one on the playlist. And it was There's Hope, also from the same CD. As this one is playing, I literally got chills...Let me explain why. The bridge and chorus of this song is what hit me:

[Chorus:]
There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh

You better thank God for that

[Bridge:]

Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's Hope)

Somebody's acting crazy (There's Hope)

If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There's Hope)

but I'm takin' back my power today (There's Hope)

Gas prices they just keep on rising (There's Hope)
The government they keep on lying but we gotta keep on surviving

Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbAXfZXl5jQ

Listening to these words hit me in the core of my heart. We truly have the power to create our own happiness. Regardless of what has happened to us (relationships, financial struggles, abuse, eating disorders, breaking of trust, etc.) we can choose to move forward and live life in the now. Is there something holding you back from moving forward and being happy with yourself? And I'm not speaking of material things because they only provide temporary happiness, not joy. Ask yourself if there's something that you choose to drop. Because I am a living witness, this process will not happen overnight. But what are you willing to choose to work on?

I've chosen to drop some bags to make room for my joy!

There is hope...so what do you choose?

Coming Hard with the 1st Question...

When you have sex with someone you like/love vs someone you're just trying to "get it in with", how do you feel as a person? Is the sex in and of itself different? And is there a difference between just having sex and making love?

Leave Those Comments Love Muffin!