I Know That's Right!

Today I woke up in a GLORIOUS mood!!! Even though it was raining outside, I was happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not quite sure if it's because today begins the holiday and there's no work tomorrow or what. But this sister right here is good. Got in the car and did my daily iPod routine. This morning's choice was a random mix of R&B. And who got me grooving, MARY J. BLIGE! Unlike some people, I have ALWAYS been a fan MJB...since I was a tiny tot for Christ. Though I was only 6 when her first album What's the 411? was released, I thoroughly remember screaming the lyrics of "You Remind Me," "Real Love," "Love No Limit" and others. I've always appreciated her realness and rawness in her music because it always just spoke to the core of my heart. She's grown so much as a person and as an artist, and I've enjoyed experiencing it. I've been to several of her concerts and each time she leaves me speechless...like literally I lose my voice.

Anywhoo, I realized too, like Mary, I've come to a very good, solid place in my life today. Not saying that everything has always been peachy and great, but at this moment I am Just Fine! I have everything I need and that is more than a lot of people can say. I have a family that loves me, bomb.com friends that support me, but most importantly, I have self-love. I could write a lot more on this topic, but I choose to simply end with the lyrics from "Just Fine." I doubt I'll blog again until Monday. So have a great and safe holiday weekend!

"Just Fine"

You know I love music
And every time I hear something hot
It makes me wanna move
It makes me wanna have fun
But it’s something about this joint right here
This joint right here
Its makes me wanna…..Woooh

Let it go……
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mine
So I like what I see when I’m looking at me

When I’m walking past the mirror
Aint worried about you and what you gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way
(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way)
I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my way
No matter what nobody has to say

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It’s a really good thing to say
That I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I ain’t gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh

You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

We Are A Family Like A Giant Tree Branching Out Towards the Sky...

This past weekend was my biological father's mother's side of the family reunion. Now I know who my relatives are, if I randomly saw them around the area I spoke, so forth and so on. But I never really knew them. Partially due to the lack of a relationship I had with my father. But that's an ENTIRELY 'nother blog, for a whole 'nother day. But @ any rate, as I sat @ the meet and greet Friday, I couldn't help but still feel like a stranger. Faces looked familiar, I remembered some names...but it wasn't that natural just ::what's the word...:: chemistry, familiarity. I sat downstairs and got on my phone to chat with 2 of my bff's via Gchat & text msg. I couldn't quite verbalize everything that I was experiencing so I simply stated, It's amazing how someone could still feel like a stranger around their own family.

Naturally this led me to wonder, what truly is the definition of family?! I mean, if it's what Webster's Online Dictionary defines it as, a group of persons of common ancestry, then I have a really big family. But what about those people I consider family because my blood family wasn't around because I, too, chose not to be around them? My friends, not this particular side of the family, were there when I cried...when I was hungry...when I was broke...when I was weak...when I needed encouragement...when I was happy...when I received good news.

But let's go back to the reunion this weekend. I chose to attend every event this weekend, except for the picnic (didn't want to sweat my press out, lol). And I did this because I wanted my family to be my family because of more than a bloodline we share, but because we have a relationship. As I stated in a previous blog, we have the choice to create happiness in our lives. And this choice has brought more than happiness, it has brought joy, closure, and filled voids all in a matter of days. I don't know how many of you know about the website Ning, but it is also a social network...kind of like a mix between facebook & myspace. But my family has a page on there and I joined so that I could add pix from this weekend and continue in reconnecting my family. My cousins, aunties, and uncle have all written beautiful and priceless comments on my wall and i LOVE it! Well the next day after the reunion, I received an email from my Auntie Jean, who has always been my favorite for some reason...But anywhoo, she sent me the following e-mail that brought tears to my eyes:

Hi Whitney,
It was great having you with us this week-end Whitney.  You just came in
and fitted in and rolled with us.  I loved it!  Please don't stop coming
around us. We will be having a dinner again real soon, at my house I
think.  We will let you know or keep you posted.  You've grown up to be
quite the lady and we are so proud of you.  I'm happy that you are not
going to allow the past to determine your future with your family.
Stay in touch.

Much Love, Aunt Jean

As much I claimed I wasn't gonna have anything to do with them, deep down
I yearned for them.  And as much as I secretly missed them, they missed
me too.  I'm not saying that you need to call up every family member
you haven't spoken to and forgive and move forward.  But step out and
reach out to one...the one you used to call all of the time when you
were younger...or perhaps the grandmother who used to press your hair
at her kitchen stove...or your favorite cousin who always took you
shopping & bought you things your parents wouldn't allow.  So today
I'm thankful for all the family I have, because it's not just the
bloodline it's the relationship.

Goodness, out of this one tree that is me, I have so many branches reaching out towards the sky. Some have been broken and unrepairable, while others are barely hanging on. Will you catch it and mend it before it's too late?

Because There's Hope, What Do You Choose?

Yesterday I told a friend of mine that I'd started a blog. He response was "Blogging now? sounds like another work distraction." And I responded with "I won't be doing that much talking though. Basically just posting the question of the day."...Ok, well maybe he was right.

I woke up this morning, sluggish but still in a good mood. So I got dressed, even had a lil breakfast before I left the house. Every morning when I get in the car, I pick up my iPod and look @ my playlists to choose what I'm going to listen to until I get to work. Well this morning, I chose my playlist of my top 20 india.arie songs. The first song on the playlist was "I Choose" from her CD India.Arie-Testimony, Vol. 1: Life & Relationships. So about after the 5th time of listening to the song and looking like I was having chu'ch in my car all by myself, I began to really ponder what Sista India spoke of...

"I Choose"

Because you never know where life is gonna
take youand you can't change where you've been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

[Verse 1:]
Here am I now looking at 30 and I got so much to say.
I gotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go today.
I was always too concerned about what everybody would think.
But I can't live for everybody, I gotta live my life for me.(Yeah)
I pitched a fork in the road of my life and ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide.

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do. My past don't dictate who I am.

I choose. (Yeah)

[Verse 2:]

I done been through some painful things I thought that I would never make it through.
Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes.
I put myself in so many chaotic circumstances, but by the grace of God I've been given so many second chances.
But today I decided to let it all go. I'm dropping these bags, I'm making room for my joy.

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do. My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

[Bridge:]
Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose. (Hey ey)
I used to have guilt about why things happen they way they did cuz life is gonna do what it do. And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

[Verse 3:]

From this day forward I'm going to be exactly who I am.
I don't need to change the way that I live just to get a man. (NO!)
I even had a talk with my mama and I told her the day I'm grown,"from this day
forward, every decision I make will be my own." And hey!

[Chorus:]
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.

[Bridge:]

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been. But today, I have the opportunity to choose. (Hey ey)
I used to have guilt about why things happen they way they did cuz life is gone do what it do.
And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eyVBxuB58U

So about after the 7th time of me listening to this song, I finally moved to the next one on the playlist. And it was There's Hope, also from the same CD. As this one is playing, I literally got chills...Let me explain why. The bridge and chorus of this song is what hit me:

[Chorus:]
There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh

You better thank God for that

[Bridge:]

Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's Hope)

Somebody's acting crazy (There's Hope)

If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There's Hope)

but I'm takin' back my power today (There's Hope)

Gas prices they just keep on rising (There's Hope)
The government they keep on lying but we gotta keep on surviving

Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbAXfZXl5jQ

Listening to these words hit me in the core of my heart. We truly have the power to create our own happiness. Regardless of what has happened to us (relationships, financial struggles, abuse, eating disorders, breaking of trust, etc.) we can choose to move forward and live life in the now. Is there something holding you back from moving forward and being happy with yourself? And I'm not speaking of material things because they only provide temporary happiness, not joy. Ask yourself if there's something that you choose to drop. Because I am a living witness, this process will not happen overnight. But what are you willing to choose to work on?

I've chosen to drop some bags to make room for my joy!

There is hope...so what do you choose?